| April 23rd, 2006

* taking care of us, when we take care of child with special need

Having a baby is a joyous experience of our life. Despite many worries during pregnancy, we all cherish a picture perfect healthy, cuddly and cute baby in our arms. Everyone we know gets involve to make plans around that bundle of joy; while we bask around in the thought of motherhood in due time.

Now picture this, you are 24th week pregnant, your doctor just told you one of your twin babies didn’t survive in the womb and you have to go through a c-section in couple weeks to save the life of your baby. You are in a shock; in total disbelief, you don’t know why this had to happen to you, you have done everything humanly possible to follow your doctor’s order, or what you read on the magazine on pregnancy, or what your friends and family are telling you to do. What did you do to deserve something like this? Why you? You already chose the names, made plans for the future, now what?

Recently, when I got such a call from a friend who lost one of her twin boys, and gave birth to a 2 pounds 2 oz. boy weeks later, I knew we had to look for ways to build a support system for ourselves; she is the third in a row of my friends who had gone through traumatized experience during birth of child/children. I wanted to find out how do we take care of ourselves while we are taking care of that bundle of joy. My search on the net took me to March of Dimes website which has answers to many of my concerns – how do we deal emotionally, how can we include our family and friends in the process. Often people may say things that may hurt, we need to let them know they need to stop if they continue to say hurtful things, and find other sources among friends and families to get the emotional support we need. It is only natural to feel anxious, and uncertain of our abilities to nurture our baby, but we need to express our feelings with our loved ones, so they don’t just assume we are doing okay; and it is normal to feel ˜not okay” when we are going through a crisis.

If you or your friends have gone through such experience and know how to best deal with the grief, please share with us. We can build a support system when we share our pain and strength with others.

 

No Responses to “* taking care of us, when we take care of child with special need”

  1. Melissa says:

    I read Shahnaz’s post and agree that the person grieving should not have to hide their feelings. In my experience, as well as with others who have lost children, some want to talk, and others don’t…really depends on the person. I personally enjoyed hearing from old friends, because it brings me happiness to hear from them, not necessarily to always talk about the bad stuff, but also the good stuff in life, as there is so much good in life to live for. Helps balance when much bad is going on.

  2. Phantom says:

    Shahnaz,
    Yr Topic is very essential and touching.From my experience, I can tell you that the toughest thing in life is to find approriate words to console friends in their time of grief–specially related to deadth.
    Now to come to your point,”I wanted to find out how do we take care of ourselves while we are taking care of that bundle of joy.”- First thing is many forget to thank the Creator who makes pregnancy possible and through that Life and progress of growth of the human body with the womb and later after birth.So we need to pray n thank the Creator evryday.However Life,Deadth etc are a great mystery of the Creator which we normal people fail to understand except that we have to accept it as Fact of Life- Prayers help to receive more Blessings and Comfort at all stages of life.

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Adhunika blog is launched with a mission to share knowledge among women from every walk of life. Sometime it would be in the form of sharing experience to find a feasible solution of a problem; sometime it would be in the form of professional consultation, which Adhunika group will arrange for its bloggers. Nevertheless, the intent of this blog always remains the same - to help and empower women through a common web-based platform....read more

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