| March 16th, 2006

* mother-in-law and daughter-in-law: friendship at an Impasse

From Dr. Apter Research paper:

An early reference to the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship presents a glowing image of commitment and loyalty. In the Bible, Ruth makes one of the great, classical declarations of love – to her mother-in-law, Naomi. But Ruth’s eloquence presents a lost ideal. A modern day Ruth, a 33-year-old barrister, who participated in my study, buried her face in her hands as she described a recent visit from her in-laws: “Normally I’m a reasonable and fair person. Normally, I am quick to appreciate other people’s qualities and to key into their point of view. But these virtues fail to materialize in the presence of my mother-in-law.” And Ruth’s mother-in-law Joyce, 59, is bemused by the split between how her daughter-in-law is with other people, and how she is in her presence: “I see her talking and laughing on the phone, and she’s a different person. With me she’s sullen and withdrawn.” Mother/daughter-in-law relationships often reach an impasse, yet very little research has been done to discover just what’s going on – and what’s likely to go wrong.

Read more:http://www.motherinlawstories.com/terri_apter_research_paper.htm

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2 Responses to “* mother-in-law and daughter-in-law: friendship at an Impasse”

  1. Zerin says:

    I live with my mother-in-law, since my husband is the oldest of her four sons. I have fairly good relationship with her. It’s not that she loves me or I love her from the bottom of my heart, but we both try to be a little more considerate about each other. Even though we have totally different mental structure, we are very careful not to interfare with each other. What I learned from my experience is this: if we want to keep a relationship healty and nice, we have to work on it.

  2. Salma says:

    Since after my marraige I am living with my in-laws for last 18 years. I never feel that they are not my own parents. Though the age difference of my mother in law and myself is more than 30 years, I consider herself as one of my best friends. She is very much enlightened person though she does not have any formal education and she always supports me if she feels that her son is not right. I thing I have realised by handling this relationship for long that this is like a 2 way traffic system. Both the parties need to have patience, tolerance and tendency to sacrifice.A healthy relationship will exist which is necessary for our future generation.

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